I’d also like to extend a hearty “fuck you” to whoever wrote the firmware Philips used in the controller for my monitor, because it’s impossible to use if you need to do anything BIOS or UEFI or apparently 9front-related due to the most aggressive auto-sleep behavior I’ve ever seen and can’t be disabled.

Kept thinking 9front or my Pi were broken, then I switched the HDMI cable to my HP Omen, and ta-da! Should that have made a difference? I don’t think so! But it did, and based on my experience with tinkering with various BSDs and Linux distros, this monitor’s refusal to care about output from UEFI / BIOS is a consistent problem. So I have to keep the other monitor around to access pre-OS consoles or settings.